I often get asked how I cured my chronic pain. So many people are struggling daily with pain or other debilitating conditions so when someone arrives and says “I get it, and guess what, I’ve come out the other side”. Of course the first response is “Tell me how”. I too battled many years of pain and depression, trying just about every concievable method I could to numb it or block it out. The problem was, the more I tried to block out the pain, the more it cranked up the volume until I was firmly in it’s grip and left with no other option but to face it head on and listen.
When I surrendered to it, it didn’t need to fight me any more. Ironically, the more I paid attention to it, the softer it became. What happened next was the first step on my journey from fear to freedom.
I began to ask my body questions. Slowly but very definitely, a 2 way dialogue began. I’d ask a question and my body would respond. Like every new language, it took time to master this but at this point things had hit such a low I litterally had nothing to lose. Each time I asked a question, the answer would come in one of 3 ways; the pain would bring my attention to a particular area of my body that I needed to focus on, I’d hear the answer in my mind, or I’d get a strong sense of “knowing”, my “gut” or intuition. As I say, it took time to perfect what is essentially the art of knowing and trusting myself but it is, without doubt one of the most valuable skills I have developed for myself.
The first key point; for me EVERY physical pain I was experiencing, stemmed from emotions. When I accepted this and began the enquiry into the major pain point I was living with, specifically my lower back, it became abundantly clear that I was carrying around an energetic sack of junk, anger, resentment, guilt, anxiety and trauma, much of which was inherited and not even mine and none of which was doing me any favours whatsoever.
As I began to systematically unpack the sack and examine its contents one by one, daily, in meditation, I recieved specific guidance on the actions required to resolve each one. In some cases it was forgiveness that was required, forgiveness of others but very often I needed to forgive myself, quite literally, get off my own back!
Another thing I realised was that I had a distinct lack of gratitude for my body and all it did for me. Quite frankly, I was rather ungrateful for it and treated it with complete disdain. This body that had defied the odds, left me breathing and living when medicine and logic said I wouldn’t and not only that, facilitated and supported me to live a “normal” life (whatever that is) for the last 30+ years but all I did was gripe and complain, pointing out all the things that I percieved to be wrong with my body, focusing on all the things it couldn’t do! No wonder it was screaming back at me!
Imagine this, your young child manages to dress themselves for the first time but puts their shirt on back to front. Do you praise the effort and make a fanfare of the fact they managed to get their head and arms through the holes? Or laugh and point at how ridiculous they look in a shirt that’s back to front and sternly remind them to try harder next time? Imagine how deterimental the latter would be to their progress and their ability or indeed, desire to communicate with you in future?
Or if we had a friend who every day arrived at our door with a freshly cooked meal for us but we refused to open the door or thank them when they knocked, coldly instructing them to ” leave it on the mat.” How long would they continue to cook for us or how long would the friendship last?
I began, and continue to this day to start each morning giving gratitude for my body, each part and the intrinsic role it plays for me. I literally thank it and let it know I love and appreciate it. This love and appreciation also extends to being mindful of what I eat and in particular the amounts of food I eat and the time of day. I became very aware for example that if I ate too late at night, I got really bad heartburn and indegestion. For a time I took antacid every night before bed, until I tuned in and realised my body was angry at being overloaded at a time when it wanted to rest and recharge. I thanked it for the lesson and removed my evening snack, bye bye heartburn. I still have my snack, just at a different time of the day that is more respectful of what my digestive system wants.
Another very obvious by critical thing my body craves is movement. When I was younger, a doctor, with the best of intentions, explained to me that the reason why I was tired a lot was because it takes me 4 times more energy to complete a physical task than it would someone else. This, I used as a get out of jail free card for many years, asking family members and friends to help me with things that honestly, I could do myself albeit slower. No man is an island, nor are they a statue. We are not designed to be stationary! We are energy, energy moves and flows and creates more energy. I was stuck and still for so long that I had no opportunity to create the energy that I told myself I didn’t have, the vicious self sabotage circle.
So in answer to the question, how did I heal the pain in my body? As you can now see, it started with unloading my mind and heart, learning to listen to and trust my body that it knows best what it needs and doing what is necessary to maintain a loving relationship with it. My ever unfolding journey from fear to freedom.
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